So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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