OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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