you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
