The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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