How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
