I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
