i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
