I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
