I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
