There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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