So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
