Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
