I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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