at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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