They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
