I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.