Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30