Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course