there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she looked like the before picture.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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