dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
