Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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