He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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