I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
