you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think my fart just growled at me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me I should be a condom model.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
