saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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