I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
