We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am naked and annoyed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
