We named our party play list daddy issues
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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