I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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