you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
