i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm bleeding and have questions
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
