So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
