Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
