Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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