I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
