i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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