if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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