mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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