Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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