nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
