UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
