My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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