If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
