yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
