Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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