The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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