I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
