I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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