ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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