last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
