You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
