No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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