You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
