she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
this hospital has no fireball
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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