She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
