I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
