In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
