I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
