Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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