just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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