gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
