the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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