I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
