Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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