he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
