mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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