So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
