Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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