Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
