i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
