He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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